Life Sucks...thus far....

Im beginning to feel like my life is terribly messed up...very, very messed up in fact...

To begin with, sometimes I feel that I could spend me entire life watching anime and reading manga, pursuing my "otaku" interest, sans cosplaying... Other times, I just cant finish an episode of anime or a chapter of manga, feeling lethargic and just wanting to laze around...

It would seemed that I have lost sight of my goals...I have done nothing since SPM to pursue the goals I set for myself...NOTHING...*sighs*...I wonder if I can even motivate myself enough to do it...

At times, I would feel like I can sleep the entire day, but sometimes, I think its a waste to sleep more than 8 hours a day...I think that time can be used to do something "special", but I just do know what to do...

Working makes it worst, the time I spend working feels like time that is wasted...sure, sure, there's the pay and all, but I wonder if I can go through it afterall...now with Jim gone, its gonna be plain boring, Im wondering if I should take a longer holiday during CNY, but Im also worried that I wouldnt be able to pay for me guitar...*sigh*, shouldnt have got it...now Im stuck working for another month...

Sometimes, Im looking forward to college, sometimes, I fear it...for reasons unknown, maybe because it symbolises something big, a huge step into adulthood as you leave your friends behind to make out, a venture out to the unknown, laying the cornerstone for the rest of your life...speaking of friends, Im beginning to wonder the real meaning of friendship....that thought alone deserve a whole post by itself...

I do know why I feel so vulnerable now, so useless, so unloved...but I should remember this feelings and learn from them since I would probably experience the same thing when I finish college...

For now, I living a life of an empty husk, no thoughts for the future, just struggling for the next day so that a next day can come...I feel like a zombie...aimless and lethargic, the only passion I have left, is my guitar and my "otaku" interests....that is all that is keeping me "alive"....*sigh*

For one more month, this is the life Im gonna have to live through, and to be honest, I would rather not think about it...its times like this that I wish we can control our life with a fast-forward button....

Look at how much I've rambled...feels better now....somethings are better spoken out loud, even if not literally....